3 Things, Plan A + Plan B, and Skip the "Shoulds"

Writing and life advice for when you have few spoons

Overwhelm and burnout. We’ve all been there. For anyone with health issues, disabilities, or mental health struggles, it can be all too easy to drive headlong into that brick wall.

As I’ve fought the last year to regain a sense of balance after a hard depression, finally making progress in kicking a lifelong compulsion to the curb, dealing with daily pain and the headaches that come from it, and too many large projects on my plate for a four-month span (book release, Japan trip for hubs and me, taking part in a writers group game during Camp Nano, my youngest’s graduation, and helping her prep for a trip to Canada), I had to take a step back. To admit I’m not superwoman. That I can only do so much at once or I’ll break. I nearly did. Months later, I’m still not fully recovered.

I knew I’d need to take a break after my youngest’s graduation so we could prep for sending two kiddos to college this year, I just didn’t realize how drained I’d be and how long I’d need to recover. On top of that, I needed to support one of my kiddos who was really struggling emotionally and mentally.

Overwhelm, much?

From those experiences, I’ll share advice that’s been crucial for me to keep going and to keep writing.

Advice Whispered to Me Again

Back in May 2021, my friend

Dani

—a fabulous author, editor, and creativity coach who’s dealt with long term recoveries—gave a World Anvil Sage Seminar on dealing with Overwhelm and Impostor Syndrome. (If you don’t know what World Anvil is, it’s an incredible community and world building site for stories, RPG, etc. And it’s where I met Dani.) Little did she know just how much I’d need her advice. I’m type A, the kind that wants to do ALL THE THINGS RIGHT NOW and undone tasks nag me incessantly.

This summer as I felt like I was still trying to drink from the firehose of things that needed to be done, Dani’s “Plan A and Plan B” and “3 Things” suggestions whispered in my ear. Since then, I’ve been implementing her advice. It’s saving my sanity and giving me breathing room.

She didn’t have anything written on today’s topic to share, so I asked if she minded if I wrote on it adding my own interpretations, and received her blessing.

I’ll also share a snarky but awesome phrase I stumbled across this month. It’s so good I may need to embroider it and hang it on my wall.

Planning with Flexibility for Few Spoon Days

If you’re not familiar with the Spoon Theory, imagine the spoons in your silverware drawer are the units of energy you have in a day. Some people have more, some people have fewer. Some days you just have a handful of spoons to start with. But when spoons are gone, both you and your energy are spent.

On the low spoon days, we need to have a plan so we can get what we need to done. It may require picking between things that should be done.

3 Things

Dani’s first advice to our group was “Pick three things. Just three. Work on those. Anything else you get done is a bonus.”

Looking at my long self-publishing to do list yet again as I work toward book three, I almost laughed. But then it sunk in. I can’t do fifty tasks at once and I can’t work seven days a week. On top of that, I’d been trying to cram too many things into my day, which always left me frustrated I couldn’t get them all done.

Then the light bulb turned on. I can only do one task at a time. Every step done on that task was a piece I needed to complete. I can work on a few tasks for a set period of time or until I’m tired, take a break, and start on the next one. Just like I’d been preaching to my friends. Maybe I should listen to my own advice?

If your goal is large, such as publishing a book, you’ll need to break the project down into small enough tasks that you can accomplish them. Writing a book draft needs to be turned into chunks by word count or writing time. If you’re too tired to write for eight hours, can you write for 30 minutes? You’ll still have more words than you had before. It’s progress! Count it.

Through implementing “3 Things”, I wasn’t constantly looking at the enormous task list that resembled a monster looming over my shoulder. Instead, I was looking at a manageable set.

Plan A and Plan B

Dani’s corollary to the “3 Things” mantra is to have a few tasks that you’ll work your hardest to get done. Those are Plan A. And if you complete those tasks, woot! You earned the right to be done for the day.

You can also have Plan B waiting in the wings. It’s not an alternate plan, but an “Oh hey, you have energy and got your Plan A done? Cool! Here are 3 more to choose from to get farther ahead.” Plan B is a way to help you limit extra tasks you assign yourself, so you don’t hit that spiral of taking on too much again.

As I understand it, Plan A and Plan B come down to honoring your energy levels. Go as much as you can while you have energy. But when you are low on spoons, do Plan A and know you earned some rest.

When I tried this out, it didn’t sink in right away how freeing this was. But thoughts like, “Oh hey, I could knit tonight,” surfaced. Another piece of how to beat the overwhelm monster clicked into place. I could take a break when I was done!

“Don’t Should All Over Yourself”

I heard this recently in a random YouTube video. The speaker just dropped it like it was common slang and didn’t go into detail. Whoa, did it hit home. So I tried to trace the phrase. The most concrete instance I can find is an article with the title “Don’t Should All Over Yourself” from The Art of Manliness from 2011. (Yes, even ladies can read The Art of Manliness.)

Should is a guilt trip, a demotivator. It’s the monster to-do list staring at you and whispering, “You *should* be working on something.”

Kick it to the curb. Don’t let overwhelm be the winner. Sometimes you’ll have to say “no” to overwhelm, to wanting to do all the things, and to other people’s requests and expectations.

Lately, I’ve been listening to Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness (Crystals, Cleanses, and Bubble Baths Not Included) by

Pooja Lakshmin MD

. One of the things I hear over and over in the book is stressing self compassion. We’ve trained ourselves to have compassion for others, but not ourselves. We need that too—to be the friend who whispers it to us.

From what I’ve seen, “should” is the opposite of self compassion. It will always demand from you. Tell you that you’re never doing enough. That there’s a mountain of work yet to do.

What would your friend tell you? They’d say, “Rest and take a break when you need it.”

So, I’ll leave you with a few questions

How will you stop shoulding on yourself? Do you have something like “3 Things” or “Plan A and Plan B” that works for you?

Thank you Dani so much for taking the time to share that day back in 2021. You saved me from breaking myself. Thank you do Dr Lakshmin and the random YouTuber who encouraged me to eradicate the shoulds.

As I sign off, I’ll remind you to…

Be the Difference. Be extraordinary.

All the best,

Amy

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